haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
