can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
