I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
