"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
