and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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