Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
