Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
