I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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