Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Farmville is her only friend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
