I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
