Someone shit on the floor
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
