so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
