i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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