I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
