Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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