Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
