i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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