i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
