I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
