Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You ruined the universe
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
