either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
