So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize