Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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