Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize