If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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