Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
