dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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