Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
