So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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