I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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