.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
