drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
