I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
