Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
