I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
