I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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