my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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