my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
