so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
