do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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