so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
