i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
