i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
