the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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