Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
