I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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