I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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