Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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