I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thus making me awesome and them whores
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
