My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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