this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize