please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize