the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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