A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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