I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
