drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
