im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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