I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How's work?
Spinning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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