2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
