I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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