We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
