Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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