yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
