my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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