Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
