He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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