i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
