I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cannot find my penis.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
