There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
