Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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