I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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