Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
