I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
