By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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