in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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