the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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