I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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