I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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