Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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