i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
