The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
