I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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